Finding freedom and a way forward through forgiveness

At least…that’s how it looked, but life has a way of stretching things beyond simple.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t fully understand what forgiveness actually was or what it looks like beyond the words. Because how do you give something you don’t fully understand?

Forgiveness, to me, is a gift. Not just something we give, but something we experience. It gives peace. It releases pressure. It loosens the grip of hurt, blame, and discomfort.

I think that’s why it comes right after healing for me, because so much of healing actually is forgiveness toward others, and toward ourselves.

There are so many scriptures on forgiveness, and I don’t think that’s by accident. So much of the life we long for, peace, stability, support is tied to our willingness to release what hurts us.

I’ll be honest, I haven’t mastered forgiveness, but I have learned what it feels like to carry resentment, and I’ve learned what it feels like to put it down.

I’ve realized I can’t hold a grudge and hold myself to a higher standard at the same time. At some point, that turns into judgment. A quiet place where I start deciding that what I’ve done isn’t as bad as what someone else has done to me.

And honestly, that doesn’t sit right with me.

I’ve found forgiveness comes easier when I take responsibility for myself, instead of holding others to expectations they may never meet. What has helped me most is this:

However, I do know what I’m healing from, and that’s what brings it back to me. If I can give others the space to be shaped by what they’ve been through, then I have to be honest about how my own experiences have shaped me too.

So, I’ve started searching the root of my hurt, my reactions, and my patterns. In doing that, I’ve learned that life feels lighter when I’m not carrying unforgiveness.

Now, forgiveness isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s the remembering that makes it hard. The thought that comes back. The feeling that resurfaces. And sometimes, if we’re being real, it’s the belief that they don’t deserve it.

I’ve felt that. But I’ve also had to sit with my own humanity. My own moments. My own need for grace.

And that shifts things.

Not because I excuse what happened, but because I choose to release its hold on me. That’s what forgiveness has started to look like in my life.

In the Bible, when Peter asks Jesus how many times we should forgive, the answer isn’t seven, but seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21–22). Not a number to keep count, but a posture to live from.

That “forward” looks different depending on the situation. I’ve learned that once you truly forgive, you’ll have a better sense of how to move. If you don’t right away, that’s okay too. You’ve already done the hardest part.

One thing I’ve had to face is this truth:

I can’t extend grace to myself while withholding it from others.

I’ve tried.

It doesn’t work.

But here’s what I’m holding onto now, God knows every part of me. Every flaw. Every failure. Every moment. And still… He forgives me fully. Not with hesitation. Not with conditions. I’m learning to move through life from that place. Not striving to earn forgiveness, but living as someone who already has it.

When you know you’re forgiven, you start to move differently.

Start there, knowing you are already forgiven. From that place, begin to release what you’ve been carrying. If you’ve already started, keep going. I know I will.

In courage,

Carnell